1:16 AM

I'm not religious but I do believe that there is some force, whether it be self-invented, metaphorical or real in some form, that has control over what happens in life. I pray (un-religiously, of course) that this force does not lead me to commit the action that he has done, at any point in my life. 

   I believe in love and I believe that it is the strongest emotion that any living person can hold within them. This experience has taught me that our elders feel and embrace love in the same ways we young people do. Love will hold our parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles together in the same ways it will hold a young couple. The sad part? Love breaks in exactly the same way, no matter what age you are. 

I have been unwillingly shown to my very own seat on a roller-coaster that will rise and plumet dramatically from now until, well, I don't really know when. In the future, the tracks will straighten out and it may become a smoother course. I keep trying to remind myself of this but I cannot shake off the reality of the situation and its impact. What I have to accept is that the damage from what has happened is permanent. I will never get off this roller-coaster, even if it becomes the calmest I could attend. I'll be on this ride from this moment until the day I die. 

   I can't hate you. I wouldn't be on this planet if it weren't for you. You've put me here and for that I will always be thankful. But I will never, ever understand why this has happened. I have never understood why the worst things happen to the best people but now I have to accept that you have been the criminal in that very side-effect of day-to-day life. An incident that I've known to exist among other people outside of my life since I was old enough to understand has now dropped right under the roof of my own home. I have lost faith in love and this will never be okay.



Maybe life throws shit at you to make you stronger. Maybe it likes to challenge people. Life, I accept your challenge and I'd like you to observe me as I stand tall and take you on.


We are soon to speak,

R.P.